Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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