hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm always down for nudity.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
