we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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