Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
