I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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