dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
