everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
