I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
