I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
