You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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