I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
