Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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