if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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