I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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