I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
