:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
we should paint friendship bongs
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