My hand turned me down
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
