shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
