Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
