I cockslap morals
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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