No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
