You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
