lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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