But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize