I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
