theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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