guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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