When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
