I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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