I accidentally had phone sex last night
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
