Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
