It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
