everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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