if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
