So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
