Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my poor anus
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
