Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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