If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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