I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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