In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
