I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize