Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
