if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize