you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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