just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
