I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
im holly from the hills drunk
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize