i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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