I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We're too hungover to prance.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
