Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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