swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
