If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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