She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize