honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
