everyone is single if you try hard enough
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
