Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
