It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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