Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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