If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The air was thick with penises
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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