mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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