Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
