just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Randomize
