help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
