does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
