Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
