I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
she peed on how many people?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
