i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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