also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
