do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
