found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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