Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
