we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
