I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
