just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
