is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
