My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We had sex on a dog bed..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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