smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
