He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
