how can u be prego again
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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