david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize