Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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