What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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