Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
