i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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