Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
