CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
