Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
