what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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