You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize