i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize