Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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