Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
