you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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