Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
