I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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