how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
