Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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