At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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